Ready to Grow Up? Start with "WHY"!

I saw a commercial recently, an oldie but a goodie. Kids are answering the question we’ve all faced, long before we knew how to answer it, "What do you want to do when you grow up?"
       They answer:
                “I want to file all day.”
                “I want to be underappreciated.”
                “I want to claw my way up to middle management.”

The commercial ends by hurling the question right back at you (presumably in your adult years), 
“What did you want to do?” 

Though I got a good chuckle out of it, the 30 second clip has a poignant message. At some point in life we put dreams on the backburner. We began thinking we had to compromise and compete in order to “make it”. It began to feel naïve to believe we could find meaning and purpose in our work . . . our relationships . . . even life in general. Fulfillment became a word in the dictionary with no real experience of it. 

 

​And we continued on from there to where we are today . . . not fully aware of how we got here.  Now what?

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If your feelings of "now what" are not pulling to to discover a deeper meaning of life for yourself "right now", then when? Will "not right now" always be your answer . . . an answer that eventually dissolves into "never"? ​

​It’s easy to make excuses. 

It’s easy to find reasons that today isn’t the right day to start your novel, or that this month isn’t the best time for a career change, of that . . . fill in the blank . . .   With our busy schedules we often feel like we don’t have the time to dream about – let  alone do – the things that matter most to us.  You can always find a reason for why now is not the right time. Waiting for the magic moment when all the pieces fall into place and your path becomes perfectly clear, becomes an experience of just that . . . waiting.  

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.” 
~ Henry Ford

Your excuses, fears, stories, justifications and 'air-tight' logical deductions become the default of how you live life. You begin believing and accepting that your reality is the only reality. Your mind becomes locked into unconscious patterns that prevent you from leading the creative and purposeful life you aspire to. 

​Your limiting beliefs are holding you back.

Our thoughts and beliefs and tools for doing life are tied to our personality, friends and family, schooling, society, and the general human race. It is a wave of powerful influence reinforced by our personal experiences – especially the traumatic ones. And the more energy we have tied up in the past, the more our future will unfold in the same way. The higher our certainty of how we think life works, the less room for learning and experiencing how life can work. 

“You can’t see where you’re going until you let go of where you’ve been.”
~ Maya Angelou

​You have the power to shift your perspective.

For much of my life I believed that my presence was the cause of other's pain and I shouldn't be seen.  It took many challenging years to wake up to the potential that my presence provides an opportunity for healing awareness, and sometimes that process is painful.

Don’t let this past year - or the past thirty, sixty, or ninety years - hold you back. While 2020 was certainly one for the history books, it is in the face of profound challenges that we grow the most. In fact, upheaval may be the very thing we need to dislodge our limiting beliefs and clear the path for our dreams.

Now is always the perfect time to crack yourself open to life and find more personal joy and fulfillment. ​The One that wants to be revealed from within you is always ready.  Let’s begin unravelling the energy that is subconsciously tied up in your past, so that you can apply it in new ways to your present. Let's unwrap a whole new future that fulfills your heart’s desires.     

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​“If the path before you is clear,
you're probably on someone else's.”
~ Joseph Campbell

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Where to begin?

No matter what limiting beliefs you are carrying about yourself or about life in general, you have the power to shift your perspective.  You may be thinking, “Yes, but the real question is how.”

“How” is a good question. And there is a more powerful question -- a question that will open you into the wonder and energy of doing the “how” -- that question is “WHY!”
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The exploration of your personal “WHY” of life is a powerful place to begin.  Without the “WHY” no one really cares about the “how”, and neither will you.  I will tell you that the “how” will NOT take a lot of hard work. However, it will take a lot of commitment, and without knowing your “WHY” you will not be able to break through old habits and find that commitment. Uncovering and embodying your “WHY” you will enable you to create new neuropathways to do life differently.  Your “WHY” will strengthen your hope and dedication to walk your own path and uncover for yourself a fulfilled and joyful life.​

Work through the discomforts  of exploring your "WHY".

What holds old beliefs in place is stuck energy … energy associated with past events and stuck in the emotions we weren’t willing to fully feel at that time . . . and most likely don’t want to feel now.  And the truth is, those emotions are there, within you, holding you hostage.

Those emotional experiences help create your neural network – your mental operating system for guiding you through life. They hold in place your structure for how to do life. They also hold old thoughts and beliefs that limit your discovery of new ways for doing life. And, if you are willing to sit with the uncomfortable emotions buried within you, you can open yourself to deep introspection. You can train your brain to become more creative than reactive, and transform problems into possibilities.

​If you're willing . . . start here.

​Ask yourself some fun opening questions to begin opening to your “WHY.” Read them all through first, and then go with a few that really stir your energy and curiosity . . . ponder them . . . journal freely with them.

• If I won $50 million, how would my work or life change?
• What would I love to achieve/experience before I die?
• If my life was perfect and my dreams came true, what would it look like in 10-15 years?
• What kind of person would I love to be? What are the values of virtues that are most important to me?
• Who helped me most in becoming who I am? How did I feel around them? What qualities helped me?
• What is important for my health, spirituality, mental improvement, relationships, recreation, career, finances, or self-worth?

After you’ve worked a bit with the questions that really resonate with you, allow your answers to help you in forming your “WHY”.  Why do these things matter to you?  Who are you in all of this unfolding, who are you really?  What is wanting to be revealed to the world through you? Why is this important to you? Why are you the one to reveal it? Why does this give you passion and purpose and fulfillment?

That’s a lot  . . .  I know . . . but it’s important.  It’s important because we’re talking about you, and no one can do you the way you do it.  Give yourself the time to honor you and explore what's possible. You may have done a similar exercise in the past, but you've grown since then . . . even if it was just last week.

​Gain wisdom from the stuck spots.

Now find a comfortable place to sit and get quiet for a few more minutes. Allow any limiting thoughts and beliefs around your "WHY" come to the surface. Especially note how you feel about not actually getting to live your dreams or your inabilities to create those dreams.

​Close your eyes and open to charged emotions buried beneath the surface of your consciousness. They might be subtle or very strong, depending on how familiar you are with emotional energy. Whatever they are is perfect. It’s the willingness to feel them that matters – not your current capacity.

Within our most challenging moments lie the roots that hold us back, and the soil to plant something new.

Once you identify an emotion that feels contractive or uncomfortable, invite it to come sit with you for a while. Invite it to a favorite safe place where you can sit together and share . . . maybe a campfire, a lakeside tree, your favorite garden, or your workshop.

Notice the shape of this emotional energy, and if you can’t see it clearly then just imagine it and give it a shape.  Then notice other aspects . . . what’s the color . . . the texture . . . the temperature?  How bright or dark is it?

Then allow it to to speak to you. Ask it . . .

• How long has it been living in your body?
• How many times has it been repressed or stuffed down?
• How many times has it been perpetuated or dwelled on, long after the challenge has passed?
• What wisdom does it have that would be most beneficial for you to know?
• What resources would be most helpful for you to work with it?

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Allow it to reveal all of its wisdom to you. Thank it, and let it go. Know you can invite this emotion back anytime to speak with it and to gain wisdom from it. Allowing for a deeper emotional awareness may feel uncomfortable at first, but you are teaching your mind and body that it is safe to feel emotions.
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You are becoming aware that emotions are just energy that come and go, and when you take the time to fully feel what is here for you – when you invite challenging emotions to flow – you are releasing the triggering grip they have had on you. You are developing the potential for new neuropathways and new ways of seeing and doing life. In this space is an opening into clarity and freedom that will allow you to move forward with more grace and ease, with more insight and wisdom. In this space you can begin to powerfully embody your "WHY".

Take it to the next level.

If you liked this little exercise in introspection, there’s more where that came from. Now that you have explored your “WHY”, you carry the attractive energy for the “HOW” to show up in your life. You carry the awareness to notice the “HOW” when it shows up, and you have the meaningful and purposeful energy to sustain it.

If you run into stuck spots, celebrate your awareness that you got stuck. Now you have an opportunity to learn even more about yourself and become even more free. Bring the emotions around that stuckness to your favorite safe place, and have a chat.

I invite you to join any of my meditation classes, wisdom circles, or workshops. They are free, but not because there’s a hitch.  The only hitch is your willingness to show up and explore new ways of doing life for yourself . . . new ways of relating . . . and new ways of opening to the gifts you have come to share this lifetime . . . gifts that only you can bring.

Here’s what’s coming up as a Zoom lunch-n-learn on July 29th.  Find out more here.

#emotionalintelligence #lifecoaching #leadership #leadershipdevelopmentcoaching #management #managementdevelopment #personaldevelopment #grow ​#humanresources