If you're not sure what a life coach is or why you would ever hire one, here are seven reasons to avoid life coaching. Once you are aware of these, you can rest peacefully in more clear awareness of your avoidance.
1. YOU WANT ADVICE
If you want advice, then you don't want a coach. Coaching is about uncovering the questions and revealing the wisdom and intuitive insights that are within you. It's about opening to the awareness that you are your greatest gift, and recognizing that it is your footsteps your soul listens for.
2. YOU HAVE THE TIME
If you have the time for coaching, then you have already mastered your schedule and time management. If you have the time, then you're likely following a path of self-care, growth, and fulfillment. Coaching is about becoming a master of your time, and creating the space to dream and follow your heart's desires.
3. LIFE IS “GOOD” AND YOU HATE CHANGE
If the way your life is unfolding now is good enough, and your looking forward to your life being the same way one, five or ten years into the future, then stay the course. The way you've always done life is a perfect path to follow to get (somewhat) predictable results. Coaching is about exploring different ways of being and doing life. It is about healing the pain of past dreams that may have been crushed or discarded, and embracing a path for the dreams you have now. It is allowing your heart and spirit to lead, and your mind and body to create. It is finding fulfillment within the journey.
4. YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY PROVIDE THE BEST ADVICE
The people closest to you know the way you’ve shown up in the past. Maybe they like and accept you just the way you are, maybe they don’t. You are in good company if they encourage you to explore new ways of being and doing life, and you can let go of disappointment or resentment if they don’t. They have gained experience and wisdom by walking their own path, it’s not their job or purpose in life to walk yours. In any case, human nature is to expect you to show up in ways you always have. It’s a tool of the mind to simplify life and try to maintain some predictability that feels secure. It can be difficult for friends and family to see and embrace change in you. The profession and expertise of a life coach is to support you in incorporating change for yourself, and to have no attachment or judgement to who you have been in the past. A life coach guides you in revealing your own genius and helping you create a unique life path that is the highest expression of you and who you desire to be. Back to reason #1, if you want advice, you don’t want a life coach.
5. YOUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE GOOD ENOUGH
Back to reason #3, if you feel life is good enough, then coaching is not for you. If you like to drink poison in the hopes the person you have a grudge against will die, then coaching is not for you. If you would rather forget than forgive, then coaching is not for you. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about personal growth and integration, and having compassion for yourself and others in the human struggles we face. It is realizing that the ashes of your challenges and conflicts are the soil from which you have grown into who you are today. Mark Twain wrote, “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it,” implying a sense of gratitude grows from within when you experience true forgiveness. Not all coaches have the expertise in supporting their clients through this evolution of self. Intentional Life-Journey Coaching unravels our painful experiences at their core to reveal new wisdom and understanding. It facilitates the growth of new neural networks to make new choices in life and to create healthy relationships with ourselves and others. When you begin to love yourself and your life, the doors begin to open winder for you to give and receive love.
6. YOU THINK IT COSTS TOO MUCH
I wasn’t taught in school to think creatively and explore my passions. I didn’t learn about social-emotional intelligence, let alone gain the tools to grow and implement it for myself. My experience with formal education was, many times, more spirit crushing than expanding. When I started my personal growth work twenty years ago, I was very skeptical of that educational system as well. I really didn't know what a limiting beliefs was. I didn't realize that my traumatic experiences had shrunk my comfort zone and possibilities for life experiences. As you think about the cost of life coaching, think also about the cost of not shifting and growing your awareness of self. What will be the cost of not broadening your possibilities and not finding purpose and meaning for your life?
I’ll share the logical, mental shift I had at age thirty as a possible way of looking at the cost of coaching: The average cost of 15 hours of college instruction (1 credit hr) is about $594. A two-day, potentially life-changing seminar (at least 15 hours long), will cost you about the same. One-to-one college tutoring and one-to-one life coaching of course costs more. I started with one-to-one work because I didn’t feel comfortable unraveling my unknown stuff with other people, and over time I have found both group and one-to-one work to be invaluable for my personal growth. Whatever it takes for you to make a quantum shift in recognizing and sharing the value of you, I hope you find it. Bottom line . . . if you’re not willing to take an honest look into your future and consider the intrinsic value of yourself and what you have to offer in your lifetime . . . if you can’t perceive the value in discovering a more powerful and fulfilled version of you within you . . . then life coaching may not be for you.
7. YOU STILL HATE CHANGE
Change is a naturally occurring constant of life. You can work with it or fight against it. If life seems to be sailing by smoothly, with no visible signs of creative change on the horizon, you might check to see if you're stuck on a sandbar. Don't worry though, change is a divine force of freedom conspiring in your favor. It may come as an undercurrent moving away that sandbar, or it may come as a wind to blow your sails, or it may come as a storm to do both and capsize your boat altogether. You may see the sandbar and believe it has gotten you stuck, and you may see the tide come in or the wind blow and believe they have gotten you unstuck. It may seem and feel that change is happening to you. We are constantly co-creating our experiences, and change is something that arises within us to expand our horizons and broaden our experiences. If we don’t consciously work with and embrace change, it will still arise. It may just not seem to flow very easily, and it may feel more like a dramatic storm than a divine force of freedom. If we fight change instead of embracing it, our life experiences will contract over time instead of expand.
Again, not all coaching practices are set up to support clients in this way. Intentional Life-Journey Coaching will help you experience change in a way that reveals your soul’s creativity waiting to be expressed. If this all still sounds like a bucket of huey, then life coaching is probably not your bag.